LINES WRITTEN ON THE OCCASION OF THE LONDON OLYMPIAD 2012 & THE WORST RECESSION IN LIVING MEMORY, after McGonagall

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‘Twas in the year two thousand and twelve
That scholars into the history books began feverishly to delve
To answer this riddle: Since the repeal of those laws on corn,
Has there been a worse chancellor than the right honourable George Osborne?
So far as all the main economic indicators seemed to show
The answer came back – an overwhelming No
And as it staggered along, the Con-Dem’nd coalition
Saw each new U-turn met with howls of derision.
It was clear that so far from being a temporary blip,
The UK’s recession was indeed double dip!
A clamour was growing for someone more able
To replace the hapless George: maybe that fellow Vince Cable?
But at the very same time, on the banks of the Thames
London played host to the 30th Olympic Games.
Up and down the land, folks came out on their porch
To catch but a fleeting glimpse of the famous flaming torch
Carried by runners and celebrities alike, high and low –
David Beckham, that woman off the telly, Sebastian Coe;
Even the queen was persuaded to do something insane
Accompanied by 007, she jumped out of a plane
(Though some people claimed that it was only a double,
It was thought more than likely they were out to cause trouble.)
At least it distracted attention from her washout jubilee,
The possible identity of Prince Harry’s new filly
And foolish feuds between footballers – not very nice
With Cheryl Cole’s ‘ex’ being called a choc ice
Be that as it may, the public seethed with anticipation
Wondering if success would ever come to the host nation.
One thing was sure: I would not be lying
If I said they all deserved a gold medal for trying!
Even as the air was filled with indignant tweets
About the shameful ticket scandal and the half-empty seats.
Speculation was rife that the people in power –
Cameron, Clegg & co were the most awful shower
So sad to say, the best we could hope for amidst the kerfuffle
Was the exciting prospect of a Cabinet reshuffle…
Postscript: Still going from bad to worse,
But that’s quite enough of this nauseating contemporary verse!

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