BRITS 2015


Lines Written on the Tragic Nosedive of American Popular Singer Madonna in old London Town, after McGonagall

‘Twas at the 2015 Brit Awards
That the brightest and best talent met to cross swords.
A galaxy of musical artistes had come there to gather, …
Ignoring Jimmy Carr and his tiresome old blather.
S Smith, P Faith, Kanye, T Cobbley and all –
Dressed to the nines, and obviously out for a ball.
But the ceremony was to be blessed with one special honour:
A rare live appearance of the legend that was Madonna.
Anticipation was high, and so was the stage
For a woman always determined not to act her age.
Her career had been one interminable saga
Although lately eclipsed by the great Lady Gaga.
As she commenced her act in a long flowing cloak
She undid the cord, without which she would choke
But alas! A sharp tug from behind made her trip
And she sank even faster than that Titanic ship.
Before jumping up with aplomb and great timing
Even though some critics said she was probably miming.
Had she been drinking? The crowd was half-pissed –
Or done it on purpose, winked conspiracy theorists.
Whatever the truth, Madge’s unseemly tumble
Overshadowed all news of the PM’s latest fumble.
Since it’s often been said Pride precedes a fall,
My advice to the Material Girl: next time, wear a shawl instead.


About me – 7 Deadly Facts


1. When I was born, I was several days overdue and had to be induced to come out; and I still think it was a mistake! After having two boys, my mother really wanted a baby girl, to be called Helen; and when I finally arrived, my parents toyed with calling me Alan – a narrow escape!

2. I’ve never really liked wearing clothes and would be happy going naked, climatic conditions and society permitting. Failing that, abolish trousers.

3. At the age of six I was moved up a year at school for being disruptive. After that I was always the youngest student in my class. But after the age of 14 or so, I would say most of my education was a complete waste of time for everyone concerned. Most important things, I learned outside the classroom.

4. There is no God, but I have no problem with those who think there might be, provided they keep their delusions to themselves.

5. I have often indulged in alcohol, cigarettes, sex and drugs – but never had a problem going without any of them. Meat is tricky though – and music is a very powerful addiction!

6. If I had the wherewithal, apart from running a Real Rock Radio station, I’d like to set up classic cinemas showing vintage movies they way they were meant to be seen.

  1. In the 21st century, with most scientific & technological problems solved, I believe distribution of resources and protecting the planet are the most pressing problems. It’s absolutely scandalous that half the world is struggling to make ends meet, if not actually starving, while the other half are flogging themselves to death with too much (mostly needless) work. QED!

KP Goes Nuts


Lines Written on the Banishment of 

Kevin Pietersen from the England cricket team,

after Thribb


So. Farewell then KP,

Erstwhile saviour of

English cricket.

You of the flashing blade and

Wildly coloured hairstyles.

You brought shame on the game

By massaging your opponents.

Er, Keith says that

Should be ‘messaging’.

You claim you were

Misquoted but

Now you are

Permanently demoted.

That’s the first time

I’ve made a